Rachel’s Story: “I Understand What it’s Like to Slip Through the Cracks”
Life is rarely just one thing, but most often a contradictory blend of highs and lows, gifts and challenges. Rachel Timmerman suffered from a multitude of early childhood traumas. She was born to a mother whose drug addiction resulted in incarceration and neglect of her daughter. Yet she was also born with a strong native intelligence and compassionate heart. The story of her life is the interplay between the highs and lows.
Raised in Orlando, FL, from elementary school on Rachel had a desire to work with special needs children. At age 22, had she not previously spent time committed to a residential treatment center and suffered from substance addictions herself, she might have been finishing up college in preparation for a career in her desired field. Instead Rachel worked in bars and tattoo shops, the better to fully immerse herself in the party lifestyle. While enjoying the intimacy of a social scene fueled by drugs and alcohol, she discovered her old dream of working with children was still alive. “Even though I was still using, I knew I wanted to contribute to society, to work at something that would make me feel better about myself.” So after the charismatic manager at the tattoo shop where she worked was killed in a motorcycle accident, Rachel’s tattoo community disintegrated and she decided to revisit her dream. She applied to a school for autistic children and was hired.
Rachel loved working at the school but she was hiding a lot of secrets. “It’s interesting, she says. “It was when I was working with autistic children that my old mental health issues resurfaced – anxiety, depression, and difficulty leaving the house. I was having nightmares that I couldn’t protect my students from the abuse they were enduring.”
Her addictions also fully bloomed: “I rationalized my lifestyle by saying that because I wasn’t using my drug of choice (only alcohol and doctor prescribed pain killers) – that because I had a house, car, career, was in school full time working toward a counseling degree – I was ok.” Rachel found out the hard way – auto accidents, domestic violence, writing bad hecks, job loses – that she was not ok. “Even my partying friends began to avoid me.” She ended up homeless.
Eventually Rachel landed in New Mexico, looking for a new start, but soon discovered her old demons had hitched a ride with her. Yet something was different. She explains: “I continued to use alcohol as my main coping skill, but it no longer served its purpose. I experienced only the horrific things that go along with addiction, more car accidents and fights. I knew I was in a downward spiral, had lost my will to live, but I just couldn’t stop.” Rachel ended up in the hospital and there began the long road toward recovery.
She first heard about The Life Link through her using buddies. She thought she heard that she could get help with housing without having to commit to her own mental health issues, which was not the case. While it would be some time before Rachel returned to The Life Link to address these issues, her initial contact led to a relationship between Sojourner’s Advocacy Café, a safe haven and resource center for women and children under Life Link sponsorship.
Says Rachel about her Sojourner’s connection: “(The famous psychoanalyst) Carl Jung said there are road signs in all our lives. You know your life is going in the right direction if those signs resonate with you. About the time I discovered
Sojourners I started seeing those signs around and this time I followed them.” Rachel not only found the time to volunteer at Sojourners, but also began treatment for her mental health issues, returned to school and discovered yoga.
She says volunteering at Sojourners fed her soul and helped with her own recovery. She believes her own experiences make her a good fit for the agency. “I know what it’s like to fall through the cracks. And I’ve always wanted to be the voice for the under-served.”
Eventually Rachel re-applied for mental health services at The Life Link (this time committed to her own recovery), took the peer support training and was hired by Sojourners as a peer specialist, where she now sees clients of her own. She received her Associates Degree in substance abuse counseling and is a Licensed Substance Abuse Associate.
Rachel’s healing goals extend into the future: after completing her Bachelor’s degree which she expects to do in December 2011 (she is 4 classes away), she intends to become a certified yoga teacher and incorporate stress management through yoga to first responders and mental health workers. For Rachel, it’s about giving back. “My whole life has been a lesson in seeing what’s real and important – it’s not just about getting more, it’s about giving more.”